I “Can’t Even…”

A Psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah

(Psalm 63: 1-4) O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 2 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. 3 Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. 4 So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.

There was a time in my life that I refer to as my own personal wilderness.  It was a time when my desire to be loved and accepted by others trumped my desire to find and be myself.  It completely drained me dry and I walked through life not even able to recognize what mattered to me anymore.  The result was an extreme personal and spiritual crisis.  I couldn’t even pray because I didn’t know what to ask for or what to say to God anymore.  I was empty. 

You may wonder what got me through, if I wasn’t even praying… 

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.  And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.”  (Romans 8:26-27)

When things were at their very worst, I leaned on this promise, that the Holy Spirit would be my advocate and intercessor.  I began to pick up my Bible every day and read, taking little sips of His word.  This was my last resort, when it should have been my first.  I didn’t have the words to pray, but I read scripture aloud and I cried more tears than I think I’d ever cried in my life.  I pleaded with God to return to me my song, my joy, my self.  When I began to drink of His word I realized how thirsty and dehydrated my spirit had become, and I couldn’t get enough.  I was like a desert refugee come upon a well of spring water! 

Today I want to encourage you to never put down the word of God.  There are going to be times of wilderness when you don’t have the words to pray…and that’s okay!  Like the Mercy Me song that says, “I’m finding myself at a loss for words, and the funny thing is, it’s okay.”  You won’t always have words, but don’t ever stop drinking up the goodness of God’s word, because through it you will find all that you need.  You’ll never be empty and thirsty, you’ll never lack in the knowledge and wisdom needed to make it through life, and you’ll always have a weapon against the enemy of your soul.  God’s word is a beautiful history of creation, failure, redemption, promise and prophecy, and most importantly…the truth that LOVE wins.  It is a story that has no end.  If you are looking to find yourself, stop looking to others.  Who you are is found in only in Him, your creator.  Your story was written before time even began.  When you open the pages of your Bible, you will learn, you will grow, and you will hear from God.  You WILL sing again!   

“Open the page and see

The wonderful history of love, love

I start and end with You

I’m pulled to the gravity of love, love, love

We’re standing still

In a moment of eternity

Where worlds collide

And I feel the breath of heaven over me

My soul sings, my soul sings

My soul sings, oh I love You

My soul sings, my soul sings

My soul sings how I love You”

– “My Soul Sings” by Delirious?

PRAYER:  When I can’t find the words, when I “can’t even,” help me to remember that I have YOUR word and YOUR spirit within me to help me through the desert.  When I am thirsty, I will drink from YOUR cup, and my soul will sing.  Amen.

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